Hickenlooper Writes Song for Wife-Beater Warnock

John Hickenlooper wrote a banjo song to help raise money for Georgia runoff candidates Raphael Warnock and Jon Ossoff in an apparent attempt to distract contributors with something more offensive than Warnock’s history of domestic abuse and urine-stained camp counseling.

Hick has no problem with violating state law by accepting free flights and dinners and apparently has no problem with Warnock’s police record, but this latest banjo stunt may be the worst thing he’s ever done.

Undoubtedly sending potential donors running away in horror, Hickenlooper sent the lyrics in a fundraising email on Monday:

I’ve been spending a lot of time reflecting on this past year and found myself writing a banjo tune for you,” Hickenlooper said in a fundraising email sent out Monday afternoon by the Democratic fundraising operation.

The year is almost over.

The election has been won.

I just wanted to take a minute

To thank you for all you’ve done.

But the work is just beginning.

There’s so much left to do

To make the United States a better place for you.

We have to flip the Senate,

And Georgia is the key.

Can I count on you to chip in a dollar or two or three?

What a dork. Although Coloradoans are dorkier for voting for this guy. Hick has wisely not recorded this song, lest it becomes forever mocked on the internet like his furry ad:

If you really need to experience Hickenlooper’s banjo-driven torture, you can watch him shill for universal mail-in ballots:

He’s an awful musician and a blight on the supposed good taste of Coloradoans. Even Hick himself thought that he was a bad choice for senator before being strong-armed by Chuck Schumer.

As of this writing, we have been unable to confirm whether Warnock will be providing the “beat” for Hick’s new song.